Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Spewing Random Thoughts

Some random thoughts....that I have to spew out somewhere....so here it is.

I have been thinking lately about Girl-Friends----not the boyfriend/girlfriend type of girlfriend, but the best friend that girls have or want to have that is another girl that they do things with, talk with, etc, a best friend type of situation.

I had 2 best friends growing up that I did almost everything with. Towards the end of high school one of them had a boyfriend, so I didn't see her as much, but these two girls were my best friends. I could talk to them about anything, do anything with them, etc.

I still communicate with, blog with, etc. these two friends but they both live very far away from me---one is in Iowa where her husband is going to medical school and one is in Alaska where her husband is in grad school. While I still consider these gals some of my best friends, distance makes it hard to have that best "girl"friend type of relationship---one to go shopping with, hang out with, go to lunch with, etc.

Now, why am I telling you all this----I want a best "girl"-friend. I want someone I can hang out with during the day sometimes while our husbands are at work/school. I want someone I can call in a pinch. I want someone I can talk with.

Now, don't get me wrong...we have made some great friends in Arizona, and there are a few girls from my ward that I have parts of these kinds of relationships---I have talked with some, called some in a pinch etc, and I appreciate them more than they could ever know, but doesn't every female want that one girlfriend who knows them really well and does all of the above mentioned things? Maybe I am the only one but I miss my best girl-friends or feels this way, but I hope I can find someone I can have this type of relationship with someday.

Another thought...

I think every female at some point feels inadequate. I think Mormon women are more susceptible to this feeling than most....that is just my opinion. We have to be the best moms, the best homemakers, the best crafters, the best cleaners, the best cooks, etc., etc. That is a lot to live up to.
I spent the morning at a Super Saturday and realized my lack of any crafty skill....and I had to have the girl showing how to make the hair bows make mine. Pathetic. Other women felt frustrated but still walked away with cute bows...I would have walked away with plain ribbon if she hadn't done it for me. Part of the fact dealt with I had Lily on my lap, but I just don't know if I could have done it...and I am not trying to get people to say "You can do anything!" because sometimes craftiness, just doesn't work, even if you give all your best effort.
I also think mothers of young children (because I am such an expert!...j/k) feel inadequate because we don't have a ton of tangible things to show for our day. When you spend the day rocking/bouncing/feeding/changing diapers there is not a whole lot of tangibleness to show for that at the end of the day. Your kids will still need to be fed, changed, and rocked....so it doesn't feel like you moved forward at all...and sometimes your house looks worse, not better even if you spent all the time you could cleaning.
It is easy to feel inadequate and compare yourself to others in many ways:
She is a toothpick right after she had a baby...what is my problem?
She always looks cute and put together and I barely got a shower today.
She is a good cook. She scrapbooks...etc,etc.

So, since EVERY one I know feels this way in varying degrees at varying times, why do any of us feel this way? Every one has different talents and strengths and everyone feels inadequate, so we should all just be proud of what we can do...easier said than done, but I am going to try and not feel inadequate. Especially because I believe it is one of Satan's most powerful tools to harm Heavenly Father's plan for women and ultimately families.

So, the moral of my story? I want to have good friends and I want to feel good about myself.....and I think everyone should do the same!

5 comments:

MortFamily said...

Oh Sharon, I miss you too! I totally understand about girlfriends. You just can't be replaced. I'm glad you feel that way too. You'll find a friend though. My best friend here in Alaska up and left me though. Its hard to build those kind of friendships that we took like 8 years to develop! Yeah, its also easy to feel inadequate. So does Lily take formula now? Are you done nursing? How are the health problems going. You seem like you're doing so great right now. I just wanted to check. I'm glad you sound good.

Brooke said...

Amen, sister! I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been obsessed with the girlfriend thing lately, too! I think it's an innate need in each of us. It's awesome to be able to be there for each other and share good things!
I'm sorry about the mother/homemaker/perfect woman inadequacy thing. I personally don't have such a high standard yet. I think most people would see it as a miracle if I ever even get married! I'll be struggling with those things down the road. For now, it's all about getting a good job and finding the right guy while still moving forward in my own life ... see? No matter what our stage in life, there are always expecations and comparisons. We just have to be the best we can be as individuals and stop comparing ourselves to others! You're great. You're the greatest Shmaron in the world! ;^) I love ya!

Becky said...

hey sister, i tried being that "friend" you so desire but apparently i don't meet your standards. remember when we had a lunch date, cancelled and said you'd reschedule-denied. you never asked me out and it was so your turn. i made the first call. totally kidding, but really, we can be those friends. why the heck not. the only thing that seperates us is a wall. and i am with you on the uncrafty thing. i had the same thoughts after super saturday.

Susan Lewis said...

Just remember girlfriends take time. When you grow up with someone you have known them a long time - did that sound like an old lady there or what! As for the mom stuff, I have conditioned my husband to not ask "what did you do today," but "how was your day" two very different things if you think about it. When your child starts talking and telling you things, singing the alphabet, playing the games you taught them, that is when you will know what you have accomplished during all those days of rocking, talking, changing, and playing with your children. A true reward, and one to deffinatly remember when they get there with the sassy words and such, you can just sit back and say - "your dad taught you that!" and that is what they will tell everyone, so that is where and why women always get in the last word.

Heather@Women in the Scriptures said...

I feel your pain. It is SO hard to make good girlfriends, and you ESPECIALLY need them when you have a baby. Someone to talk and cry with. I've been struggling to make new friends too, and just the other day I realized what my problem was. That I wasn't giving people a chance. I'd see women and think, "oh, we are SO different-- she'd never be the type of friend I need", or "she wouldn't like me" but I've realized that some of my very best friends are people I NEVER thought I'd like. So that is my new goal-- to give people a chance. Thanks for your thoughts, it is nice to know that others struggle with the same thoughts! Your little goob is adorable. I love the brown dress!